the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
