He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
