maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
