So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
