so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
