Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My vagina just recognized that song.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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