He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
