Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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