Porn is love you can see.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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