what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
