Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
