Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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