You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
