You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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