Why are handjobs necessary in class?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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