Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
