Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
