brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
