i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
