road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just invented taco cereal.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
