Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
