i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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