Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
