i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
