And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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