Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need to calm my uterus...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize