can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So vagazzling was a success
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
