Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
