He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
