i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
