hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize