Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
