4 words: hood of his car
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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