Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
