I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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