dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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