remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
