I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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