He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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