I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
why is half of my head shaved?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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