It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
