he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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