Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just invented taco cereal.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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