I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My dad is sitting where you rode me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
