ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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