Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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