i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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