i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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