I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
