So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
