I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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