he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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