yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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