im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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