I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
