It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
