Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
