Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
