Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
