this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
