Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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