I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
