Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
