Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
