I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
