Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Everyone says I win the strip club
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
