You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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