last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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