We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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