we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
