How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
