If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
