honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
