let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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