you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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