I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
pray to the hookup gods
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
