Whod you bang
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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