I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
