There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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