NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
