Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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