im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize