So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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