Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
