I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
