Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
