you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
