New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize