Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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