I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
