i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
