i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
