You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wear drunk well.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
