Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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