If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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