I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
