He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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