make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
