I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
