it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
