and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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