Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
