So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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