I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
