I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize