You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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