So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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