I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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