You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
