she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
