This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
