remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What a dumb baby whore.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
