I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
