i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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