And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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