Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Houston, we have a squirter
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
