the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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