How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
