There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
