sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Boobs are out for the taking
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
