First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
